17 August 2010

Five days a week

I’m dying a bit inside. A lot. I have been searching for a job for several months now and I have applied for lots of jobs. Many part time roles I see need someone for five hours a day spread over days or they have slightly different requirements which I simply cannot fake. I have realised that there is a very real possibility that I will need to put the kids in to care five days a week and find a full time job, instead of the ideal three days per week that I have been searching for. It just isn’t happening and we’re at the point where I need to be earning money.

In the time I have been searching, I have only received four phone calls in response to my application. One of these was a success, it's the very, very casual writing work I complete from home, some weeks it can be just two hours a week, other weeks it has been up to six. It helps, but it is not enough. Another two calls were for great jobs (one was a dream job!) but it turned out they needed someone for five days, five hours a day. The fourth call was for a role I actually had an interview for last week. They also need someone over five days, six hours a day. I cheekily applied anyway, hoping my experience and personality would somehow win me the job. I’m waiting to hear about a second interview, but I’m not feeling too hopeful. They really do need someone over those five days.

(And as a side note, I have received only a handful of email replies to my applications. It is SO RUDE that applications are not acknowledged.)

I don’t have a family member close by to care for the kids and I don’t really have a support network to call on. I asked Kindy today if there was a possibility of them going in five days and even that is not looking at all good. One option is to ask my mum to travel 1.5 hours each way to care for them two days a week, taking in to consideration her own job and her own part time study. The other option is family day care for those days.

Regardless, I am not sure if it will work out financially. Emotionally, it’s breaking my heart and making me feel nauseous even thinking about it. I tossed and turned it in my mind all night and it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. I can’t imagine not being with my babies at least a couple of days a week. I can’t imagine not being there for them. It feels so wrong. Weighing it up, we’ve always felt that me being there at home for them is most important. However, the financial stress puts us under a lot of pressure and I wonder if that is something we need to just do, for the whole family’s sake.
I just feel sick about it, I feel sick that I wouldn’t be home with my little Boomp and Chomp. Please, please – tell me what going back to work full time was/is like. How old were your kids? How do you cope emotionally? Why did you have to go back? How do you cope with running the house and actually spending quality time with the kids on the weekends?

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