18 March 2013

Angry Mummy

Last Saturday, we misjudged the timing of our morning and we realised, once we'd finally managed to get everyone in the car, that we were late for one errand and way too early for the next one. Over an hour early. We were driving, trying to figure out what to do and the kids were peppering me with questions. Just me. Itay tries to deflect some of the questions but they just go on and on, never ending in their questions and demands. So we were stuck in the limbo of too early/too late, trapped in a car, raining, what to do... and when one more question came in from the back seat, I screamed. So loudly that I even scared Itay.

I sound like a very ungrateful mother and I'll tell you what, at the moment, and for the last little while, I've been an angry mummy. I've been feeling like I am enduring parenting. Life. Not enjoying, not savouring, not loving. I am just getting by.
 
But still, I cannot and I should not scream at my kids. I don't do it often, but when I do, it scares them. It teaches them that screaming when you're angry is OK. It tells them that asking questions can make people angry, and don't I want my kids to be inquisitive and eager to learn?
 
I have realised I have a very low threshold of patience when it comes to the incessant questioning that my kids direct at me. I don't cope well with them both talking to me at once, asking me to do several things at once, expecting me to be in two places at once. I get flustered and upset, I feel resentful.
 
I regret each and every time I scream at my kids.
 
Walk away. Take a breath. Ask for help.
 
 

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