28 December 2013

See you later, or not at all


I have a love/hate relationshp with  my blog. I crave to write, yet when I sit down, the words do not come. I want to record our little slice of life to look back on, yet the words and photos I take just do not capture what I envision. I want to blog to connect but I do not know who reads my drivel.
To close up, or take a break? I'm sad that I'm not writing about all that we do but I just have a block, I cannot seem to get it out and down in words.
I'm indecisive.

16 December 2013

My baby boy

My little guy. He is the sweetest, funniest boy in the world. Cheeky smile and a whole heartd belly laugh along with a wicked sense of humour. He keeps us smiling and laughing! Just look at hime - sweet, right?!
He also worries us. He's tiny, I know I have written about this before. At 4.5 years old, he has two pairs of size 0 shorts that fit. He only just fits a few size 3 pairs of shorts. He has been sick on and off forever (since he was 11 weeks old to be exact). Recently he has been much healthier and has recovered much faster when he has been sick.
A couple of weeks ago we met with the deputy and principal of M's school, to "fight" for permission to delay O's entry in to Prep. We won and I hate to even say that we had to fight. O is in the right age bracket to start next year (he turns 5 by June 30th next year) but he is just not ready. We need to give him every chance to be as big and as strong as his classmates. His coping skills and his non-ability to cope with change need so much time and practice. I am so, so relieved that we are able to delay his first year of school until 2015. Logistically and cost wise, yes it would be easier to send him to school. But this journey of school is a long one and it is not only about where you start this journey. He may not have a growth spurt until he is 16 or even older, and he needs to be given the chance to build his coping skills too.
On Thursday he had his day care Christmas concert. Each year at day care, both my kids have cried and cried. This year was no different, except I joined in too. Why is it so hard for my boy? He was the only one in the whole class to sob the entire way through ten songs and Santa visiting.
I love him so. I hope he is OK. Parenting is so, so hard.

13 December 2013

Life events

I've realised (with a little help) that the last few years have involved some pretty large, stressful events. I thought that I was pretty OK with all this but maybe I've just been brushing my reactions aside. I don't talk about the big stuff much on here but if you read those lists of "most stressful life events", there are a few on there. Losing a job and not being paid for a few months of that job, subsequent unemployment, disappointing limbo land of new jobs, divorce (not mine!), illness and extended family members passing away.

In amongst that, I feel like I have "lost" a very dear friend, someone I used to share so much with. That person has a great deal going on in their life and to add my worries to their pile just feels very wrong. My worries affect them and I just don't feel comfortable leaning on them at all, for any support. At times, when I desperately want to reach out, I don't - because it feels wrong and that closeness has dissipated.

What do you do when you lose a dear, dear friendship? How do you move forward? There are days when it really hurts to think that I won't have that kind of relationship with this dear person again.

4 December 2013

Treasured, local, handmade

When I first heard "school stall" I had visions of homemade jams, and plants potted in recycled tins. Not so at our school, it's mainly imported cheap plastic bits. Times have changed and I'll be honest, if I had to contribute to the stall I would be stuck for ideas and time, so I do get it. However I'm not a fan of the imported plastic bits for several reasons.

My girl
When I received the note home, telling us that M would visit the school Christmas stall this week, I decided to offer her a deal.
$5 for the Christmas stall. Or $10 to spend on anything she wants at The Village Markets. She has had her eye on a handmade owl softie at these markets for a litttle while now, and her eyes lit up when I asked her what she had loved there. I talked to her about buying something lovingly made by hand and how our purchase will help that person's Christmas. When I asked, she couldn't remember what she had bought at the Fathers Day stall, so we then talked about buying gifts that we will treasure with our hearts. I also said I will still give the school $5 and then tried to explain they got to keep that whole $5... That was a bit difficult (profit margins, little bit hard to explain to a seven year old!).
She understood the concept of buying handmade and locally and she loved the idea of helping someone with their own Christmas. So I think it was a win/win situation and she handled her class going to the stall without her quite gracefully. My lovely girl.

1 December 2013

Corporate what?

I started a new job recently (yes, another one!). It's quite a corporate environment and I feel a little out of my depth in some ways. I'm not a slick suited girl and I never have been. I don't do my nails, I don't get treatments in my hair, I didn't know you could get eyelash extensions and I don't really care all that much about makeup. I don't wear heels unless I am going to a function, and I can count a total of three times in the last year that I have worn them.

I also despise spending money on work clothes. Last year I loved having several uniform shirts. getting dressed was easy. But this new job? The girls are extremely well dressed and maintained. To be honest, I feel like a dry old shell of a woman. I'd like to get  bit more organisd and polished with clothes but I can't change the facts - I won't be wearing heels, I won't be getting false nails or eyelash extensions. I'm not out to impress the boss with anything but the work I do.

And speaking of the work I do... the work is interesting, at times challenging and I am learning a new skill set. It challenges my ethics.

A few books for Christmas

Holly the Christmas Fairy
My kids have been going to the same day care centre for years. Every Christmas Santa comes to visit and every year we've had at least one hysterically frightened child. This year will be no different... but usually they cheer up when Santa has handed out the presents. The centre asks us to supply a wrapped booked for our child, which Santa will then give them. Here are my picks this year.

Fireman Sam Christmas Story Library: The Runaway Santa
Peppa Pig: Peppa's Christmas
I'm not so much into Christmas and I'm trying not to be to bah humbug and ruin it for my kids!